On Domestic Violence

I attended a conference on Friday where one of the breakout sessions was on domestic violence. I joined the session looking to learn and to share the knowledge. And was disappointed.

Disappointed that there is no easy, quick fix to this problem. Disappointed that even the experts really have no better advice than listen, support, be there for her, make sure she has an exit plan, and listen some more. Not that I don't think that all of that is extremely important. Not that I thought that there was an easy, quick fix. But I was hopeful that they might share a secret that I had so far missed because of the women I know who are being belittled, controlled, disrespected, and beaten on a regular basis. It is not ok that they are forced to live their lives like this and I want a solution for them. I want them to be free.

But they don't want to be free in the way that I want them to be. One woman has been with her partner for 2 1/2 years and they have a child together. Even though I have twice seen huge bruises on her face, and she admits that he calls her whore and slut and daily goes through her phone to check who she is calling and texting, she loves him and can't decide to leave him. Another woman who I have known for a few short months has admitted that two men since I have known her have hurt her physically. Yet every time I return to her house, one of them is there in the back bedroom.

I don't understand. My heart breaks for these women, and for their children who will grow up believing that this is how men are supposed to treat women. I want to step in and yell at the batterers that enough is enough. I want to scream at them to leave these women alone. But I can't. I feel helpless. I hope beyond hope that allowing these women to talk and share their pain somehow lessens it. But the pain behind those bruises doesn't go away with words. I want the women to know that they are better than the treatment they receive at the hands of the ones who tell them they love them. I want them to know that love doesn't have to be like that. I want so much for them. But I don't know how to give it, and I don't know how to help them know that they are worth more than what they are receiving.