I just can't win

So lately I've been feeling like this whole parenting this is going pretty well. There have been a few bumps in the road, like Ella's screaming, kicking, yelling fit at the restaurant in Durango and Charlie's forgetfulness that jumping on people in pools, especially when they can't touch the bottom, isn't ok, but generally we have been doing well. Until recently. In the last week there have been 2 reports released that make me feel like I simply cannot win.

The first one is the report that pesticides on fruits and veggies cause ADHD. Well my kids are absolutely destined to have ADHD because I have done such a dang good job of feeding them fruits and veggies. They may fuss, whine and moan about it 95% of the time, but they do eat them, and then like them, much to their chagrin. But now I find out that by making them eat that healthy food, I am poisoning them! So you may think, well, buy organic. Now that is something that I would love to do. But I live in a town of 8,500 people in the middle of the New Mexican desert, 75 miles from the nearest city. Our 2 local grocery stores and Walmart do stock organic, occasionally, in some foods, when the moon is full and the coyotes are baying in the key of C. I have found organic spinach, cantaloupe, a pepper, and occasionally celery. Those of you who know your 'dirty dozen' list backwards and forwards should know that spinach, peppers and celery are great foods to buy organic. They are literally covered, soaked and drenched in ADHD causing pesticides, so its worth the hundreds of your hard earned pennies to buy them in the organic version. The only problem is that my kids won't eat them. Charlie will eat red and yellow peppers on occasion, but not green. Ella won't touch any of it, even if the celery is disguised as ants-on-a-log. She just licks off the raisins and peanut butter and hands back the celery. Cantaloupe is one of the safest foods to eat non-organically because neither the pests or the pesticides can penetrate that tough outer skin. So we are not ahead in that game. I have driven more than 150 miles round trip to Albuquerque to drag my dear, always-well-behaved children on shopping trips to Trader Joes, Whole Foods and Costco in search of truly healthy options, but can't do it on a bi-weekly basis. Maybe semi-monthly, if. So what is a veggie-pushing mom to do? I did take the 'dirty dozen' list to the local produce manager and ask him to try and stock an organic option of those 12 foods.  I haven't gone back yet to see if its happened. I have my hopes up, but am not holding my breath or I might just turn very blue.

So while I was fuming about not having truly healthy food to feed my children,  we went to Walmart to kill some time (local favorite time-killing haunt for all mothers in Socorro). I got sucked into buying them a brand new 8-foot wide, 36 inch deep swimming pool. This is kind of the hot-tub version of the backyard swimming pool, minus the bubbles, benches, heater, or other amenities that make real hot tubs so great. But the kids love it. Of course, being a good mother, I slather them from head to foot in sunscreen before they even approach the pool, only to find out that the sunscreens I am using are probably poisoning them too. According to a report I received, the things in the sunscreen are likely disrupting their hormones (oxybenzone) and probably giving them skin cancer (retinyl palmitate), and the reported SPF is usually wrong. I thought I was putting the sunscreen on them to KEEP them from getting skin cancer!!!
Granted, I just did some research on the report I was sent http://www.ewg.org/2010sunscreen/best-beach-sport-sunscreens/ and it seems that there is some conflicting information out there, surprise surprise. Apparently, EWG, or the Environmental Working Group, who wrote the report is a consumer watchdog organization that works "to use the power of public information to protect public health and the environment." They may not fall anywhere near the center of that invisible line that we use to mark right and left-leaning organizations. Johnson & Johnson (Neutrogena), Schering-Plough (Coppertone) and Banana Boat all had something to say in rebuttal of the report. Something like, "Shut up you bunch of chemical fearing hippies" written in appropriate, corporate-sounding language. But I am still confused. Do I spend $15 for 1.5 oz for the sunscreen that EWG recommends and blow our entire travel budget for the summer on really super duper safe sunscreen, but have to stay home and pretend that our 8 foot pool really is as good as a hot tub? Or do I disregard the EWG, trust big business like Schering-Plough, and continue to possibly disrupt my dear children's hormones while gadding about the country in search of real hot tubs? Oh gawd. A thought just hit- is it my over-sunscreening of my son that causes him to pretend he is a female character when he plays pretend? Have his hormones been so disrupted that he prefers to be Mrs. Fox from Fantastic Mr. Fox and Dragon from Shrek instead of the tough, masculine characters?  


Oh s--t! I knew I really screwed up. To heck with it all anyways. I am just going to start them on a diet of Cheetos and Mt. Dew instead, because at least those so-called food and drinks don't even pretend to have anything less than they best chemicals in them. And the kids can stay inside and watch tv all day so we don't have to worry about sunscreen at all. Bet you can't wait for my next blog on my children's behavior on cheetos, mt dew and pure television...